


Appreciation

by FlurryODancingFlames



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: A bit of romance?, Fluff, M/M, Or just friendship?, You Decide, a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-13 21:29:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3397019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlurryODancingFlames/pseuds/FlurryODancingFlames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim and Bones try to find footing in what their relationship has become.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Things We Need

**Author's Note:**

> Friend requested me to write someone showing the good doctor some appreciation in the form of fluff. Tell me how I did.  
> Currently unbeta'd until my friend reads it. 
> 
> EDIT: I'm currently taking requests, details on my profile.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones is overworked and under appreciated, Jim attempts to remedy that.

Jim was sitting across from his CMO, watching him hunched over and filling out form after form. He kept trying to convince him to take a break only to be snapped at and told to stick it where the sun don't shine. Needless to say, Jim was worried about Bones and while being the Captain of a ship wasn't easy, neither was being the CMO. Jim knew Bones often felt directly responsible for the deaths of crew members and while Bones tried to distance himself as much as possible when he was a working, it also leeched over into his personal life. Jim found Bones distancing himself from the crew and at times, even him; and while Jim didn't blame his friend, he was still concerned. Distancing yourself from a ship full of people you're going to be in close proximity with for the next five years was not only a bad idea, but nearly impossible. He was either the punching back or emotional support of those who had friends who died; he never got an apology from those who yelled or a thanks from those who cried on him. Jim knew Bones didn't expect that from someone who just lost a friend but an apology or thanks from those who hadn't would be expected, and Bones never got them. 

Jim was not innocent in this regard, he had yelled at Bones and all but cried on him on more than one occasion, a few times even being the one who almost died. While he was to embarrassed and ashamed of his behavior, he tried to show it in other ways; getting his favorite brand of coffee, listening the next time Bones told him to rest up from an injury, filling out the forms he could. And normally, this was enough but lately, it wasn't. Jim was unsure as to if there was a bigger underlying problem or if it was simply as it seemed. He was unsure of what to do for Bones and was being more frustrated by the hour. He didn't like seeing Bones this way and wanted to help but he was being constantly pushed away. Deciding to push back and use a bit of power over him as his superior officer, he finalized his poorly thought out plan in his mind. 

"Bones," Jim said and was ignored like the other five times he said it. "Bones. Bones. Bones. Bones. Bones." He paused for a moment as he noticed Bones tense up and clench his jaw. He continued in a softer tone, "Leonard."

"What?" Bones head snapped up, the word coming out somewhere between anger and surprise. 

"You need a break," Jim simply stated. 

"I have to get this work done," Bones replied, not evening bothering to deny his need for a break anymore. 

Jim held back a frustrated sigh, "You can finish it later."

"The more you bother me the longer this is gonna take," Bones said through gritted teeth. 

Waiting a minute, Jim let Bones think he had won before speaking again. "You're to come to my quarters in ten minutes," Jim said as he stood up and walked to the door. 

"Dammit, Jim. I already-" Bones started only to be cut off. 

"That is an order," Jim snapped and left with a huff. 

Jim attempted to walk his frustration off on the way to his quarters, all it did was make him seethe more. He was mad at Bones for pushing him away but mostly mad at himself for letting Bones push him away. So he was going to fix it the only way he knew how, drinking until the talking came easy. He hoped he wouldn't have to get Bones drunk, as that wouldn't be easy, but he would do it if the doctor kept his lips sealed. Entering his quarters Jim went to a cabinet and pulled out Bones favorite brand of whiskey, something he knew his friend wouldn't rebuff even if suspicious. Getting two glasses he set them on the table, pouring three fingers into one and leaving the other by the bottle on the opposite side of the table, he sat and waited. 

Fifteen minutes later he was about to get up and go hunt down Bones when a tone sounded around the room. Giving the word for the door to open he watched as Bones entered the room, his eyes first landing on Jim and then the whiskey. Jim gestured for Bones to take a seat and despite hesitation, he did. Bones poured himself some whiskey and took as sip as he gave Jim a questioning look, Jim however, was waiting for Bones to start talking and would wait as long as necessary. After awhile Bones could no longer hold Jim's gaze and let his eyes wander the room. Minutes ticked by and neither spoke, waiting for the other to speak first. Jim's gaze never wavered from Bones who refused to meet his eyes and shifted around in his seat. What seemed like hours later, but was probably only twenty minutes.

"Would you stop staring?" Bones said, anger causing his southern drawl to become prominent. 

"Will you start talking to me?" Jim asked, trying to keep a soft and level tone. 

"What's there to talked about?" Bones growled back, only to be met with silence and Jim's stare. 

Bones finished the rest of his drink, poured another and gulped it down in one go before pouring more and doing the same. He poured one more glass and left it be after taking a sip. He grumbled and ran his fingers through his hair, resting his elbows on the table he settled his gaze on his glass and dropped his head between his forearms. 

"I'm tired," Bones whispered. 

Not hearing what the doctor had said, Jim asked him to repeat and Bones snapped. 

"I'm tired Jim," Bones yelled as he surged up from his seat, knocking his chair over and slamming his hands on the table. "I'm tired of being unappreciated. I'm tired of being yelled at. I'm tired of being everyone's rock. I'm tired of being overworked. I'm tired of failing. I'm tired of being unable to do anything. And I'm tired," his voice rose with every word only to suddenly to come crashing back down and crack, "I'm tired of watching people die and I'm tired of blaming myself. I'm just tired." 

Jim felt his heart give a painful throb as he watched Bones trying to keep it together. Not knowing what the right thing to say was he got up and pulled Bones into a hug, wrapping his arms around Bones shoulders he could feel him shaking. Slowly Bones brought his arms up around Jim's back, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt Bones hung on and buried his face in the crook of Jim's neck. Jim heard him take a shuddering breath and felt Bones cling tighter as he rubbed small circles in between his shoulder blades; every once and awhile whispering what he hoped were soothing words, telling him he was appreciated and very much needed. 

Jim wasn't sure how long they stood there for and eventually the man in his arms became dead weight as he lost the ability to hold himself up. All but throwing Bones on the bed, he watched him pass out shortly after landing. Rolling his eyes Jim removed Bones boots and shut off the lights before laying next to him. Bones shifted closer in his sleep and grumbled incoherently, unable to resist Jim ran his hand through Bones hair which earned him a content sigh and Bones scooting closer. He fell asleep to Bones gentle breathing. 

Waking up Jim was groggy and confused, wondering what the warm thing he had pinned to his chest was. Blinking a few times he realized the thing pinned to his chest was Bones currently being the little spoon. Glancing over Bones head at the clock he noticed his shift was going to start soon and it was probably a good idea to leave the bed before the doctor woke up. Carefully removing his arm from around Bones and under his neck, he sat up and went to leave the bed only to be brought up short. 

"Don't," Bones huffed voice filled to the brim with sleep, "I'm taking the day off, so are you." 

Jim laid back down facing Bones but made no move to reestablish contact. Bones huffed again and turned round to face Jim, though turning brought him right into Jim's chest. Jim tensed and waited, unsure of what the boundaries were. Slowly he relaxed as Bones breathing evened out again. Just as Jim was drifting off again he heard Bones speak.

"Thanks," was all Bones said.

Jim hummed back in response and wrapped his arm back around Bones, tugging him a bit closer. Both men let out a sigh of contentment as they drifted back asleep.


	2. Things Best Left to Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones spends countless hours and sleepless night, trying to figure out when they became, something more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had someone on a different site request a second chapter and right before I went to post this, saw someone here had requested another chapter.  
> The first part of this chapter came easy, the second part was like trying to fight off a lion with a piece of meat and took way longer to write than I wanted.  
> Thanks for requesting more and I hope you enjoy.

Normally Jim's steady and even breathing would help sooth Bones to sleep, but not tonight. His mind was racing, anxiety running through his veins as he tried to shut out everything but Jim's breathing. Letting out a deep breath he buried his face in between Jim's shoulder blades, hugging the man closer to him and breathing in his scent. To his unending frustration, he couldn't seem to shut out those nagging thoughts that had gotten steadily worse over the past month when this, whatever it was between them, started.

And maybe he was over thinking it, maybe, they were really just, close friends, nothing more. He wasn't sure what he was trying to detect, the way Jim's actions might say something about how he felt or, about how he felt for Jim. Either way, it had past the point of normalcy between friends, which might explain why they never talked about it. They just acted, holding one another when need be, and in the last week it had become an every night kind of need.

Thinking back, Bones tried to pinpoint when it became, more than just a simple friendship.

 

 _Bones was trying to numb some of the pain and sadness he felt in a bottle of whiskey. It was his and his ex-wife's anniversary, and, while things had ended badly between the two of them, some part of him still loved her. The other part of him was drowning in loneliness, trying to find someone to pull him out but unsure as to weather he_ wanted  _someone again, wanted to trust someone like that again. His heart was still broken, ten months wasn't enough time to heal and trying to use alcohol as glue was most defiantly not working. But what else did he have?_

_A knock at the door startled him, choosing to ignore it he took another swing straight from the bottle, having not even bothered with a glass in the first place. The knocking became more persistent and louder, whoever it was very aware they were being ignored. Bones still didn't move, hoping whoever it was would eventually leave. No such luck though and a voice called to him through the door._

_"Bones. Open the door," Jim said, knocking a few more times for good measure, "I know you're in there. I've been trying to contact you all day." He heard Jim try the handle when that failed he heard his friend talk in a much softer voice. "Let me in. Leonard, let me in."_

_Silence hung in the air for a few moments before Bones let out a sigh and pushed himself of the couch, making his way to the door and audibly unlocking it but not bothering to open it. He heard the door open as he made his way back to the couch, Jim sitting next to him silently, waiting for him to talk first. Noticing the more than half empty bottle of whiskey, Jim screwed the lid on tight and got up to put it away, returning with a glass of water. Bones ignored the water and opened his mouth to speak, with nothing coming out he leaned his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. Jim hesitantly put a hand on his friend's shoulder and leaned closer as Bones talked through his hands._

_"It's our- was our anniversary," Bones said._

_"Oh," was all the audible reply Jim gave, choosing to squeeze his friend's shoulder in attempts to keep him talking._

_"I knew things hadn't been good between us for awhile and I thought she wanted to make it work. It was an unexpected blow and, I think I made it worse by not even trying to argue or put up a fight. I just, didn't want to fight with her anymore. And it got me left with nothing but my bones," he said, repeating what he had said to Jim the first time they had met._

_"I'm sorry Leonard," Jim said softly._

_"Worst thing is, part of me still loves her, still wants her. And today, today just reminds me that I lost her and I didn't even put up a fight," he said, voice cracking, "I miss her."_

_"My mom once said," Jim started, causing Bones to glance up in surprise at hearing Jim talk about his family for the first time, "That, once you love someone, that really never goes away. And when you lose that person, it hurts, all the time it hurts and you try to tell yourself if I had just done this or done that, you could have salvaged whatever was left. As time goes on, it will hurt less and one morning you'll wake up and realize, you don't miss them anymore and it doesn't hurt anymore; it's just bittersweet. Cause missing them is a part of moving on. Love changes with time, sometimes growing, sometimes fading. But it's always there, cause once you love someone, you don't ever stop, not really."_

_Bones didn't say anything, just nodded and leaned into Jim, seeking something, whatever that was he wasn't sure. Jim assumed the same position as Bones, only clasping his hands together in front of him, and leaned back into Bones. The wall of Jim's body seemed to ground him, even if only their shoulders and upper arms were touching. It seemed to drain his loneliness away, even if only for a moment, he could breath without fear of swallowing water._

 

Maybe all Bones needed back then was a friend or, maybe it was something more. But he was over thinking things again and he was doing that a lot lately. He wanted to stop thinking about, whatever this was, and just let it be but, in these quiet moments when the only sounds in the room were Jim and his breathing, it was hard not to. It was hard to lay there and not question what this was and, more importantly, where this was going. It scared the hell out of Bones, this could end so many ways; he could end up never speaking to Jim again or, he might spend the rest of his life with the man. Bones wasn't sure which one scared him more.

He felt a hot gust of air on his face, having been so lost in thought he didn't notice Jim turn in his arms and he wiggled up till Jim's hot breath was on his neck instead. He inhaled sharply and Jim's scent assaulting his nose, it was the scent of a forest right before a storm. Bones had gotten used to this scent, it was like a security blanket almost and even on the nights Jim wasn't next to him, his scent still lingered. He hadn't thought how much a scent, this scent, could effect him and try as he might, he knew this scent better than he knew parts of himself.

 

_He was studying in apartment, exams were coming up and he sure as hell didn't want to fail. He had tried to get Jim to stay and study with him only to be rebuffed, then he snapped at Jim. Bones didn't yell or anything, just made some rather hurtful remarks and he felt bad about it. He was getting frustrated with Jim, he had so much potential and it seemed like suddenly Jim didn't care anymore even though it was their final year. He was never good at telling someone he cared, trying to show it in other ways; one of those happened to be snapping at Jim when they both knew he wasn't doing as well as he could._

_Looking at the time, he sat back and rubbed a hand over his face, deciding to go to bed. Bones was brushing in teeth when he heard a thump, it sounded like it came from his front door but dismissed it after a few seconds of waiting, figuring it was just the neighbors. When the thump came again he was certain it came from his front door, having been standing near it while drinking a glass of water he choked and ended up with more water on him than anywhere else. Putting the glass down he looked through the peep hole and sighed before opening the door._

_Jim had apparently been leaning on the door and not knocking but rather thumping into trying to stay upright while failing to open the door. Jim fell onto him and very nearly knocked them both to the ground. Bones was trying to get Jim on his feet before he dropped the man, with some success he got Jim to lean into him and the smell of alcohol slapped him in the face, suffocating the scent that normal was Jim. He frowned, not liking the way Jim's scent was covered up and frowned farther, ignoring why that might bother him and he listened to what Jim was saying._

_"Your shirts wet," Jim mumbled from where his face was pressed into Bones._

_Though Jim was clearly drunk and had to ask Jim to repeat himself several times, unable to understand him due to heavy slurring. After the sixth time asking Jim, Bones gave up and pretend to understand. He sat Jim on the couch, having to shove him back down several times as he repeatedly tried to get up. Finally getting Jim to stay put, he got the man a glass of water and handed it to him._

_"Drink," was the command he gave._

_Jim said something again, sounding vaguely similar to what he had been repeating but Bones still didn't understand. Bones just shushed him and made him drink four glasses of water before trying to get Jim to lay down on the couch. It was nearly an hour since Jim had entered his apartment when he finally got Jim to lay down, Jim was still talking but at least Bones could leave him there to go to bed._

_"Your shirts wet," Jim repeated, only this time shoving Bones shirt as far up as he could reach from the couch._

_"That's what you've been trying to say? My shirts wet?" Bones asked, as the words weren't slurred into a new language._

_"You'll get sick. Off," Jim said, tugging at the shirt._

_"I'm just going to bed, I'll change my shirt then," he replied, prying Jim's fingers off his shirt._

_Bones was half way to his bedroom when he heard Jim say something in a low voice, he paused for a moment and decided to go back. Jim repeated himself when Bones was next to the couch but still unable to hear him, Bones squatted next to Jim._

_"M' sorry," Jim slurred._

_"It's fine Jim, go to sleep," Bones said dismissively._

_"I know you only said those things because you care," Jim said, speech still slurring together, "But it still hurt, cause your right. I could be better, I was but, this is it. We'll be graduating and, I guess I'm just scared."_

_"I'm sorry too," he said softly, moving Jim's hair back from his forehead, "Go to sleep now."_

_He stood and walked away, hearing Jim mumble something else and not hearing it the first time he paused, waiting to hear if Jim repeated himself; his ears were only greeted with the sound of soft snoring. Bones rolled his eyes and went to bed, ignoring the little voice that kept on saying what he thought he heard Jim say._

 

In remembering that night the little voice had piped up again, quickly reminding Bones of what might have been said before he could squash it. It echoed in his mind, slowly losing volume, but it was still there, in the back of his mind. He couldn't help but wonder what Jim could have meant by those words, if those words were even said to begin with or if he was imaging it. And if he was imaging it, what did that say about him and how he felt? Nothing he wanted to think about now, even if he should try and figure it out. He let out a sigh, his breath ruffling the hair on top of Jim's causing the man to scoot a little closer and Bones rolled away from Jim, thinking that his reluctance to examine his feeling said a lot more than the feelings themselves.

 

_He had never seen Jim this upset, the man seemed so broken. Bones could only stand there, unsure of what to do as Jim paced back and forth in front of him; Jim seemed to barely be holding it together, not that Bones blamed him. Jim had every right to be this upset, Nero had ruined the life he was suppose to have. He never got to know his father because of Nero and he had a complicated relationship with the rest of his family. Now knowing none of that would ever happen but knowing it should have, hit Jim in a way Bones wasn't sure he could ever come back from._

_Jim suddenly stopped in front of Bones, looking at him with endless depths of pain and sadness with those bloodshot eyes, he did the only thing he could possibly think of. He wrapped his arms around Jim and hugged him like he was trying to glue all of those broken pieces back together; Jim eventually wrapped his arms around Bones and clung to him. And if there was a wet spot on Bones shirt when they finally broke apart, it was ignored and Jim left, to where Bones didn't know._ _He didn't see Jim for almost two weeks after that, having to nearly hammer Jim's door to get him to answer._

_The look Jim had on his face when the door opened broke Bones heart, his friend looked barely there. It was a fight to get Jim to start living again and it scared Bones so much more than he'd ever admit, seeing the man who never gave up on anything suddenly give up on life. Eventually convinced Jim to come out with him for awhile and that had a snowball effect, slowly Jim came back to life. Somehow he even got Jim to call his family and talk to them,_ actually  _talk, not faking conversation for the sake of appearances. Jim was still holding a burden of another life on his shoulders but at least he was trying to make the best of the one he had._

 

Bones had hated seeing Jim in that much pain and remembering it broke his heart all over again; it also reminded him of how damn horrid sleeping on Jim's couch was and now he was in Jim's bed instead. Things had come so far between them, how much they had helped each other become better, how much they had come to depend upon the other. It worried Bones how much he depended on Jim now; their relationship wasn't like this when Jim had died and he wasn't sure he could handle that again. Despite all the people in his life and who had been in his life, Jim was the only one he couldn't imagine his life without. Losing him, even if it was only for a little while, Bones only held it together at the edges.

 

_Bones had spent more nights by Jim's bedside than he'd admit to, often waking up in the middle of the night to check Jim and make sure he was still breathing. His breathing was shallow, almost as if he was asleep and that's what Bones had to hope for, that this was just his body resting abnormally long to recover from the trauma. He couldn't think about the other possibility, it hurt to much. Sitting there, watching Jim's chest rise and fall was oddly relaxing and, for a moment, he could pretend Jim was just sick or drunk and he was watching over him, like any good friend would do. But this fear in him spoke of more than friendship, he wouldn't use the other word to describe this, and it didn't feel the same as it did with his ex-wife. Convincing himself that was good enough reason to push off his feelings for another day and ignore that damn little voice in the back of his head reminding him that, you can never love to people the same way._

_When Jim woke up he had to hold himself back from hugging the life out of him and yelling at him, choosing to try and seem as calm as possible instead. Jim was weak from being unconscious for so long and Bones made himself Jim's caretaker until he was better. Surprisingly, Jim put up little fuss and any fuss he did put up seemed half-hearted. He wonder if Jim was doing this for his benefit, seeing as how Bones hadn't let the man out of his site for more than a few minutes at a time and really, who could blame him. His closest friend hadn't_ nearly  _died, he had_ actually _died; big, heart stopping difference._

 _He took care of Jim for two whole weeks before he had to admit, rather begrudgingly, that Jim was well enough to take care of himself again. Bones still checked up on Jim daily, as his doctor and closest friend he had to or, at least he told himself that. He convinced himself he would examine his feelings later, right now he couldn't be selfish, Jim needed him; and for one split second, that damn voice piped up that maybe_ he  _was the one who need Jim. Bones really had to get rid of that voice, he couldn't beat it down forever, as much as he would have liked too._

 

Bones was once again trying to beat down the little voice and he nearly jumped out of his skin when Jim was suddenly pressing his front up against Bones back, wrapping an arm around him too. He could feel the heat of Jim's skin sinking through his shirt and tried to squirm away, hoping that little voice didn't pipe up; he had luck on neither front. Jim just tightened his arm and the little voice just kept on talking, between the two Bones was starting to feel overwhelmed. He froze in his squirming when a voice broke through the silence.

"Bones," Jim huffed lowly.

"Yeah?" Bones replied, hoping his voice was even.

"Quit squirming," Jim said.

Bones hummed in response and that seemed to satisfy Jim, until he started fidgeting again. Jim let out a long sigh, his breath tickling the back of Bones neck.

"Bones," Jim said in a warning tone.

"Yeah?" Bones said, fanning innocence.

"Why are you squirming?" Jim asked, sounding honestly curious.

Bones froze once again, unable to find words to speak, unable to voice what was going through his mind. Jim sighed again after a minute of dragging silence and rubbed his thumb in a small circle where it rested on Bones body, causing Bones to tense, which Jim ignored.

"Stop thinking. Just," Jim paused, trying to find the right words to say, "Just let it be. It'll work out in it's own time. Don't force it."

"Jim," Bones said, turning in his arms; about to ask if Jim was thinking the same things.

"Now is not the time Bones," Jim interrupted, not leaving any room for arguments, "Shut up and go to sleep."

Bones clamped his mouth shut, knowing Jim was right but still wanting to know,  _needing_  to know how Jim felt about all of this. He let out a long sigh, deciding Jim was right, he couldn't just force himself to figure it out. Things like this took time and a month was not enough time, as much as he would have liked it to be, it just wasn't. And he couldn't let himself be kept up at night and worrying all the time because of it, he'd fall apart from stress if he did. For now, he'd do as Jim said, let it work itself out on it's own time; and hopefully, by then, he'd be ready, for whatever  _it_ was.


End file.
